You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Who died my cat blue again?
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