I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
