I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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