i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
