Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Green mimosas i think yes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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