I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
