Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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