Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
