I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
