Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
