the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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