The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
