i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The uberlube is also flammable
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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