dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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