i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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