I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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