we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
