We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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