Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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