Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
