the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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