apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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