her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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