You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
