His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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