put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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