woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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