I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
