why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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