evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
