I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
