Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
