he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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