I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize