My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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