why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
