thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
