I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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