Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i dont even know how to be here
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
