PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
