We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
