Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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