Is it normal to miss your booty call?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
