I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
