coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
