feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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