The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
