Say something about gay babies.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
