Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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