I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
