4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
