Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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