Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
