Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
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