I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
