Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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