I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
