I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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