I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
