Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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