Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
