I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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