that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
