why didn't you poke me back
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
