im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
