I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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