You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
