Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
did i walk over a car last night?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
