and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
