a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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