We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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