I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
