Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
