I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
