he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
