Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
