Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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