I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
